Ramblings of an Articulate Black Guy

I went to Monday Night Raw in Brooklyn this week. It’s the first time I’ve been to a wrestling event in the almost four years that I’ve been in New York City. It’s probably been six years total since my last adventure in fake fighting. I had a lot of hopes for the night. With it being two weeks before Wrestlemania, I expected major storyline builds and to see some of my favorites do the things that made me like them.

Overall, the show was cool. Yep, just cool. I had fun, but noticed a lot that took away from the event. Let me elaborate.

I was really bummed that Daniel Bryan didn’t make an appearance. Here I was in my YES shirt ready to raises my index fingers to the sky with deep knee bends and he didn’t even come out. All we got was some text message on the big screen about how he wasn’t medically cleared to be there, but wouldn’t let the powers that be hold him down.

The fuck is that about? It’s two weeks before Wrestlemania and we didn’t get to see one of the biggest draws in the business because of some bullshit storyline intended to build up the fact that odds are stacked against him in his match vs. Triple H? Daniel Bryan was 50% of the reason I was excited about seeing the show. Him not being there was like getting to a Brazilian BBQ then being told they’d only be coming around with two types of meats. You’re still happy to have some version of the experience, but you can’t help but wonder where the fuck is the lamb? YOU WENT THERE FOR THE LAMB. Or maybe that’s just me. Either way, you get my point. Really disappointing.

The other thing that got me was the Undertaker’s appearance. I knew when I bought these tickets on a cold Saturday morning in January that there’d be a good chance he’d be in the building. And he was. Props for that. But I was really looking forward to seeing his dramatic entrance so I could get my Benjamin Button on and progress to a child. Yes, progress. I ain’t have all the worries and responsibilities I have now when I was a child. That shit was great. But back to the gripe.

When I saw the WWE staff putting down what I thought was flame retardant material so we could get the flames of hell effect, I was ready to get my Capri Sun and Lunchables on. I was ready for his slow procession to the ring. I was ready for the crowd to go nuts. Instead, we got Druids rolling out a casket to some Da Vinci Code ass chants. I still had hope at this point. Then as the chants continued for way too long, that hope faded and it turned out Undertaker was indeed in the casket.

No spectacular Undertaker entrance at Monday Night Raw?! The fuck is that about?

Now you could say I should have just been happy to be there. And for that, I’d give you a Stone Cold middle finger. I know Undertaker is older and needs to be handled with care prior to Wrestlemania, but the man couldn’t at least walk down the aisle? Slowly at that. You know what this felt like? It was like being in the throes of coital delight, feeling the approaching O and all the tingly glory, then it goes away just before you melt into the mattress with an excruciatingly good release. That was me. Ready to punch a puppy or scream in displeasure into a pillow.

The other things that sucked about the show were the numerous filler matches that didn’t really advance storylines and how rushed everything seemed overall. Wrestlers were basically running back up the ramp after brief matches that left most of us wondering what the hell was the point? There were three matches that probably totaled ten minutes combined.

There were some highlights though. I got to see Bray Wyatt and crew’s awesome entrance – mellow slow clap from the crowd and all. John “I Don’t Wanna See You” Cena and Luke “Manufactured Bald Spot” Harper put on an awesome match and the ending, though not a clean win either way, was cool. The Shield vs. The Real Americans was good. Admittedly, I’m more a fan of The Real Americans than I thought. Also, the four-way match between Christian, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, and Dolph Ziggler was strong, with Dolph getting the biggest pop from the audience. Not a surprise. I’m still wondering why he’s fallen from the top of the card the way he has. Did he fart in an elevator next to Vince McMahon? Is this punishment? I don’t know.

Not much else was memorable. There were plenty of opportunities for a bathroom break, which worked out for me. Don’t get it twisted. I’m still a fan and glad I went. This show just didn’t live up to what I hoped when I bought my tickets. It happens. 

Thank Me Later, but not in Marvin’s Room. Every one of these tiny stories could be “liked." 

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/11/20/60-tiny-love-stories-to-make-you-smile/

(Source: marcandangel.com)

Reed Between the Lines so it would actually be funny.

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